Perhaps For Her
by T. Tetra
Summary: A short look into Ryuko's life a few months after the OVA. Some hurt in this one with a focus on healing and getting better in the end. A continuation to my first story "For Her"


**Perhaps for Her **

She had been lingering in bed for quite a while now, shifting and rolling every so often to attempt to find a more comfortable position. With the blanket on top of her or with it discarded next to her, lying face down in the soft pillow or face up, it did not make much of a difference to her anymore. Taking that as a sign that she would likely not catch any more sleep, the young girl groaned loudly and put a hand over her eyes. Perhaps she thought if she managed to trick them into believing it was dark, her brain would allow her to sleep more?

But she knew it was a futile attempt. With a groan that rivalled her first one, she forced herself to get out of bed in sluggish movements and began to stretch her body, letting her joints pop as her mind began to process more things. For instance, how quiet it was in the house again and especially how stuffy and stale the air in her room was. With all the grace and care of someone who just woke up, she dragged herself over to the window and opened it far, letting a gust of cold winter wind play with her hair before it filled out into the room and forced the stale air out.

Her arms went up to her shoulders reflexively to shield and warm herself as the cold nipped at her partially bare skin. Life fibers in her or not, a large part of her was still human so feeling the cold on herself was definitely still a bother. As much as you turned and twisted the subject matter, from the outside, she was indistinguishable from any other person. But whenever she thought about what was inside of her, her thoughts turned darker again as she could imagine quite a few words people would throw her way if they knew. She had seen her own heart and it was not all that pretty

Trying to shut those thoughts out, she turned herself away from the window and tried to focus on something else. Perhaps a shower or a bath could take her mind off of things. Even if they did not, at least she would feel cleaner and nicer afterwards. With these hopes in mind, her path was set and she swerved around the piles of her dropped off belongings until she entered the bathroom, shedding off her last pieces of clothing before climbing into the shower.

As nice as a warm shower could be, it did not help the small cloud that had come up over her head after she had been thinking about herself. As such, the thought of staying inside the shower for a long time and relaxing had been abandoned swiftly and she only went through the motions of the necessities before entering her now much colder but also more bearable bedroom again. Before doing anything else, she slammed the window shut with perhaps a little more force than really necessary to cut off the cold airflow.

After that, it was time for her to pick some clothing for the day. As per usual, her attire would likely be something comfortable and easy to wear rather than restrictive or classy. She picked out underwear, a pair of ripped blue jeans and a black and well worn t-shirt plus her signature jacket after a short search through her piles of clothing all around her bedroom. As she was about to put on her shirt, she stopped for a short moment to place a hand over her chest in roughly the area where her heart should be and to look at herself in the mirror. Her heartbeat felt normal, rhythmic and alive just like it should for a normal human. But even so, she knew she wasn't normal. Not with all those threads and fibers sticking out of her heart and possibly, other organs as well.

The only other person who had been like her, a hybrid of fiber and humanity had been taken from her only months ago and nothing had quite closed the hole he had left behind in her life. He had been with her through her most difficult moments, enduring both physical and mental tears before finally fading away to save her life. But if he would be seeing her right now, would he still be proud? With a small growl, directed towards herself most of all, she threw on the shirt and jacket before turning away to escape her reflection.

She found herself sitting at the table in the grand kitchen some time later, one hand holding an apple she was mindlessly taking small bites of. Her hunger had not set in completely yet but she knew if she did not eat right now, she would simply find herself back in the kitchen within the hour, searching for something to eat. Most of her attention was focused on the phone in her other hand anyway as she was going through the about 30 messages she received from Mako in the past 14 hours alone. That girl did love to write her every few minutes, sending pictures and reactions to her food, classes and any kind of random things she got excited about it.

A weight had been forming in her chest the longer she had been going through the messages, her thumb running over the screen to scroll through them at a moderate pace. It had been about three months since she had decided to stop attending classes in her new school. At first, moving in with Mako and her family and enrolling in a new school had been enough to keep her happy and optimistic about her future. Starting off fresh in a new place with only her best friends family that knew her already had been promising. But she had been proven wrong rather quickly after some time in the new school.

Fighting clad in barely anything and saving the world were not things that were easily forgotten, neither by her nor the people around her. Many people had seen pictures or videos of her fighting back at Honnōji Academy. Some other students must have taken them before the Academy had been shut down and finally sank into the ocean later on. And with these videos and pictures all over the internet, it was hard escaping the fame and recognition that came with it. There had been good parts of course. No one had picked a fight with her since then and the students and even some other teachers had cut her some slack if she had messed up or came in late.

But for every good part, there had been bad ones as well. People being afraid to get close to her, the occasional cautious glance in her direction to check her every movement and constant comments about her body had been the least of her worries. The worst moments had been the ones where she had been confronted with the more alien parts of her. Most people had been too afraid to straight up tell her in person but anonymous messages online or as letters or notes in school had been grinding away at her mind. And she could not help but feel that names like "monster" or "alien" were partly justified after all. After all, she herself had been using those names to refer to herself in her mind during some moments in the past already and she knew she was anything but normal.

Thoughts such as those kept coming to her until she had finally given up on school. Moving away from her best friend had been painful to say the least, the tearful eyes of Mako still burned into her mind but she felt like she had no choice. Convincing that it was not Makos fault had taken at least a full day. The poor girl had blamed herself the entire time, apologising and worrying that the date the two of them had was the reason for her leaving. To be honest, the date had been nice and it left her feeling happy and closer to Mako, but if that was due to true romance or a close friendship, she was unable to tell.

Instead of facing the painful sensation in her chest that was growing stronger and stronger along with the dark thoughts gathering in her head, she typed a short answer to Mako into her phone, informing her that she was doing just fine before sighing and getting up from the table. One of her hands slipped the phone back into the pocket of her jeans while she made her way over to dispose of the half eaten apple that had served as her brunch. Once it was placed in the trash can, she went to clean her hands in the sink when she noticed the cup and plate already stored there by another inhabitant of the mansion.

She knew exactly whose utensils these were. After all, only one other person was living in this grand building. The same person who had granted her refuge and a home when she left the Mankanshokus. The one who had taken her in and continued to care for her, no matter how little she was able to give back in her current state. Staring at the cup and plate in the sink, a second feeling build up inside of her chest, trying to overpower the numb throbbing of the guilt and rejection. This second feeling was much warmer and more gentle as it helped to banish the thoughts plaguing her mind, at least temporarily.

Perhaps it was time to try something new for once again. She could not keep on going forever like this, spending her days holed up on her own, exploiting the goodwill of her sister by staying here and not give anything back. Maybe a little bit of cleaning would be a nice place to start?

A few hours had gone by while she had been cleaning and doing other chores inside of the mostly vacant house. Many rooms and entire floors of the mansion had not been in use ever since her sister had let go of all the staff after she had taken control of her family's possessions. It was surprisingly easy work for her as it took her mind off of some things and kept her body busy instead of just lying in bed or staring out a window. Perhaps it was simply the fact that she had been little more than a silent visitor in this mansion ever since she moved in but she felt happy with the work she had done and enjoyed the physical fatigue she had not felt in a long time. It made her feel alive. It made her feel human.

It would still be an hour or two before the night would begin. And even if she felt her body growing more exhausted, her mind had not been this active for months. Yet another surprising, fresh thought made its way into her head as she stood in the entrance hall of the manor, her eyes darting to the big doors that formed the main entrance and exit of the building. If she remembered correctly, there were several take-out places close enough to reach before the sun would have gone down if she used her bike. Perhaps…

A few minutes after she had returned and settled down into a lounging area situated close to the main hall, she could hear a car pull into the driveway and she began second guessing her plan again. Was this really the best course of action she could take at the moment? But then she tried to force those doubts down inside of her. She was Ryuko Matoi, certified badass and saviour of the damn world! She would not be afraid of eating take out food with her own sister!

With her newfound and somewhat forced bravery now drowning out the doubts and second guessing, she waited on the couch with the packages of take-out food in front of her on a table. First, she heard a car door opening and then closing, closely followed by the big entrance door being handled the same way. And after that, a gentle sigh echoed off of the walls of the entrance hall as the hardworking woman had returned from her daily work. Seconds after hearing the sigh, Ryuko stood up in one, quick motion and moved to meet up with her sister now that she was home.

To say Satsuki Kiryuin had been surprised to be greeted by her sister upon returning to their shared family home would have been an understatement. On her drive home, she had already pondered what type of meal she would prepare for herself and Ryuko. Even if they haven't spend much time together, let alone ate together ever since her sister had moved in, she would still prepare dinner for her as well and often left it in the kitchen for Ryuko to fetch when she felt like it. She had not expected to be greeted by her sister and surprised by take out food and an invitation to spend the evening together.

In the end, they had spend a few hours together for the first time in forever, enjoying their food and each others presence as they had chatted about various things, most of which were of no importance in the grand scheme of things. And yet, the two of them continued to talk until deep into the night. At some point, Satsuki fetched herself a glass of wine and had been sipping the liquid while going on about some annoying thing or two she had to deal with during work while. Ryuko mostly listened and gave a comment or two. To her, it was not the most interesting conversation topic but it was obvious how much her sister needed to let off some steam.

Ryuko could not help but marvel at how her sister, usually so tense and guarded was talking casually with her, cheeks slightly red due to the wine and her exhaustion. And this exact sight of her sibling like that made her heart swell up inside of her chest. Truthfully, she had stopped listening so closely to Satsuki's ranting and instead was just nodding and giving meaningless answers as her mind was working on something else entirely. She had missed moments such as this one. Where she would forget about her worries and simply enjoyed being around her friends. And her sister had given her just that and so much more.

Satsuki's presence alone had chased away the thoughts of doubt and uncertainty into the back of sisters mind. They were certainly still there, lingering and waiting to come back out given the chance but for now, they were silent and restrained. Instead other thoughts filled her mind. Thoughts of wanting to do something like this again. Thoughts of wanting to leave the house more. Thoughts of wanting to meet Mako, the Mankanshoku and her other friends again.

It was only a few minutes after Satsuki had stopped talking that Ryuko noticed that something was different. Her sister was now sleeping right there on the couch, a little curled up around herself, still wearing her business clothes and all. It had probably been a mix of the wine and her exhaustion that lead to her simply passing out like that. But Ryuko could only smile warmly upon seeing her sister like that as the raw emotions of affection and adoration swelled up in her chest once more for her sister who was doing so much for the two of them without asking for a reward.

She knew she was far from back to normal but perhaps this was a good, first step. All of this had felt right. With a smile still on her face, she rose up from her seat on the couch and carefully snuck closer to the sleeping form of her sister, lingering for a few seconds before taking off her jacket and placing it over Satsuki as a makeshift blanket. She knew she probably should wake her up as sleeping on a couch could be quite uncomfortable the following day but Ryuko did not have the heart to wake her up. It was so rare to see her sister in a state of peace and calm. And she truly deserved it.

Gathering up the last of her bravery for the day, she leaned down and gave a quick, embarrassed kiss to the top of her sleeping sisters head, mumbling her words as to not wake her up "I love you, Nee-san."

After that, she had quickly fled from the room with a red blush on her cheeks and moved straight towards her bedroom with the feelings of embarrassment but also adoration flowing through her. After all that had happened, Satsuki was still working hard for everyone. Perhaps for her, she could try to do the same. Perhaps for her, she could fight back against her own doubts. Perhaps for her, she could come to terms with herself, her origins and her place in the world. But all in due time. Baby steps.


End file.
